About Running
What People talk about
What people talk about when they talk about running is how much they run, how long, how fast. What they are training for, what their last race was, their pace, their finish time,... Or at least, that is often what they talk about when they are having a conversation about it with someone else. Including me. And that is perfectly normal. It is easy. It makes everything more tangible. Measurable. It helps gauge which level someone is and whether they are - in our mind - real runners or just the occasional weekend joggers.
Which raises the question: when are you a runner? And what parameters decide what kind you are? Can you yourself a runner if you are not committed to training 4 times a week with a big race in the calendar? Do you even need to define being a runner? The answer is - of course - a big fat NO. Being a runner means whatever you want it to mean. You decide. If someone doesn't take you serious until you run a certain distance, cut them out of your life. You don't want that kind of negativity in your life.
Have you run a race recently? Do you have one coming up? How much do you usually run? What is your regular pace? What was your finish time? These questions are fine. Some people like answering them. They can start an interesting conversation. But to me they are not what running is about, at all. Quite the opposite. These questions are what I don't like about running. They make me feel self-conscious. They make me wish I had never mentioned I run in the first place. Why? Because of this useless human emotion called embarrassment.
I feel embarrassed about how slowly I run. About the fact that I haven't run more than 14 kilometers ever. Let alone a half- or full marathon. I feel shame about not having run in a couple of weeks because I have been feeling under the weather or because in our country it rains 300 days out of 365 and that does rightfully so make it harder to get off your couch. I feel awkward when someone casually assumes you will finish that half-marathon you are training for in two hours when you know it will probably take you at least half an hour more. I want to sink in the floor when someone mentions their “super slow” pace of 5:30 min/km. All that internal shame makes me feel bad about something that I should actually feel good about. So it is time to cut that out. Because I choose to run. For me. Not for anyone else. And the only thing that matters is how it makes me feel. Which brings me to what I actually talk about when I talk about running.
What I talk about
When I talk about Running, I talk about the way it makes me feel. Strong and fast. Free and alive. Confident and happy. But also the opposite. Slow and sluggish. Tired and unmotivated. Sad and insecure. It is feeling good about yourself because you are persisting even when you don't feel like it. It is feeling like you are tough and resilient when you are running in the dark and the rain or struggling up a steep path in the scorching sun during peak summer. It is getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning to fit in a run in a busy work day before anyone else is up. It is being proud of yourself, having a goal and going for it. But just as important, it is not being too hard on yourself when life catches up with you and you haven't been out in weeks. Not chastising yourself every time you feel like you have got even slower. Running is all that and more. It is life.
And just like everything in life, running is not always good or fun. It can make you incredibly happy or immensely sad. It gives you a zest for life but at the same time makes you feel bone-tired. Sometimes you return from a run hungry as a hippo when the day before you couldn't eat for hours afterwards. There are weeks that you would rather do household chores than put on your running shoes. There are good and bad days; days when the rain comes pouring down and it feels like the wind is actively pushing you back towards your house instead of forwards. But also those perfect spring days when it is neither too hot or too cold and the sun is shining on your face whilst the birds are cheering you on. It is those times that running feels like you are on top of the world where nothing or no-one can touch you. It is dashing across a field full of daisies as if you are Julie Andrews on the poster of The Sound of Music. The hills have never been as alive as when you are skipping around on one.
Most importantly, running can give you a purpose again when you have been struggling to find one. It is a reason to go easy on the booze on Saturday night because you plan on going for a long run the day after. I can be a new drive in your life. A dream to one day cross that finish line of a 10k, a half- or even a full marathon. Imagining yourself beaming at your significant other or best friend, proud and happy. Feeling good about yourself. Your imagination is finally working overtime again, fantasizing about running a race abroad. Maybe even being selected to run the London Marathon. Or the Boston one if you want to really go big. Those dreams don't even have to come true. They can be as far fetched as you like. Because it is simple being able to dream that is the true wonder. It means having an appetite for life. A reason to live.
Talk about Good Runs and Bad
After a while something funny happens in your brain. All your runs start to kind of blend together into two groups. Good runs and bad. All your good runs mash together into one awesome, life-changing outing. This is the type of running that make me go on a passionate rant about how awesome running is and that everyone should try it. On those runs there is no rain and almost no other people on the road. There are lots of stretching fields, blooming flowers, healthy trees and singing birds. More important than the weather or the surroundings however, is how you feel. You have never felt as fast and strong as when you are on such a run. It makes you feel as if all the cliches about running are true. You do feel like I am flying. You are indeed alive and free! Your inner child comes out to play. For once pace or heart rate doesn't matter. You feel like a five year old chasing a dragon.
On your worst runs, that same sun that was happy to see you a few days ago, now seems to be beating down on you. It makes you squint, scrunch up your eyes and give you a headache. It is laughing in your face. That is the funny thing about bad runs. The fact that they - contrary to believe - have nothing to do with external factors like the weather or how much you drank last night. Although those can of course contribute. No, whether a run is bad or not has all to with how you feel and - more importantly - how you think you should feel. That is why for me it is often the simple runs that feel worst. The not-too-long ones you are meant to run at an easy pace. Because what do you do when that pace suddenly doesn't feel all that easy anymore. It is the unhelpful thoughts that pop up in these moments that make your bad runs, bad. Because they make you feel weak, not only physically but mentally.
That is why in interviews, articles or books people often mention mental training for longer distances. It is easy to run a few kilometers when everything feel great. But what about those days when you feel easily ten years older than you are. Struggling to put one foot in front of the other, knowing an elephant runs more elegantly than you. Thinking a slug could be passing you, looking backwards with a smirk. It is then that you are inclined to turn around after a few hundred meters and just throw out your running shoes. What in the world were you thinking. You can't run and you never will. I have, however, never turned back once I made it out the door. I might have cut it short by a few miles but never have I ever entirely thrown my towel in the ring. And that is why running is so great. Because even those moments where you feel like shit and hate the actual running part, serve their purpose.
Because if you pull through, finish that run - or at least part of it - and keep you shoes around for another day, you will have gained something. It can be a sense of accomplishment, perseverance or just the great feeling of getting back inside your warm home and under your welcoming shower head. However, often it is not that simple. There are times when it might even feel like you have lost something during a run. Time, rest, quality time with a friend or worse. But even when you get injured or sick after pushing your body on a day that you already felt weak, you get something out of it. You learn more about yourself, your body and your boundaries. And that is why to me, running is about the psychological gains as much as the physical ones. They might be harder to measure and thus easier to forget but in the end it is this mental growth that will help you in every part of your life.
Small things I talk about
When I talk about running, I talk about the shower afterwards that is especially glorious when it is autumn and you get back all wet and cold. I talk about the feelings of contentment and satisfaction when you are lying on your couch with heavy, tired legs. I even talk about the DOM's the day after an especially hard run which give you the feeling of accomplishment because it means your muscles are getting stronger. I talk about the bag of crisps and the glass of wine you gift yourself with in the evening because you earned it. I talk about the running shoes you are finally ´allowed´ to buy because you finished your couch to 5k. I talk about that flashy running outfit you ordered online to primp yourself up with. I talk about all the kit I want to get but have to tell myself over and over again I don't need. I talk about the stats on my smart watch that help my training but at the same time increase my stress instead of alleviating it.
I talk about all the hours spent mapping out routes that you often end up not even running. I talk about the muddy trails that make you slip and hurt and regret putting on your shoes in the first place. I talk about the unexpectedly beautiful place close to your home that you somehow never passed before. I talk about finding the perfect song or playlist that makes the endorphins flow even faster. I talk about all the books and articles about running and training for a half-marathon that you read instead of just going out and doing it. I talk about the procrastinating. The putting on of your running outfit in the morning and wearing it all day until you take it off again in the evening without having gone out for a run. In short, I talk about life as a runner.
And just like every other relationship, the one you have with running is deeply personal. It can be love-at-first-sight where one day you go out for a run and you never look back. It could also be more of an enemies-to-friends-to-lovers story. Some of us need weeks, months or even years to fall in love with running. And just like with all relationships, it exists in all forms and intensities. You have the long-distance one where you only see each other once every few months but it always feels like no time has passed at all. In other cases running is like a neighbour. It is always there close by but there is not too much of a commitment. You occasionally have a nice half-hour talk on the porch or borrow some sugar but sometimes you just wave from afar and nod politely with no hurt feelings. More intense are the close friendships. The ones where you love and hurt each other in equal measure but you always push through and come out on the other side better for it.
My relationship with running is most similar to a marriage. We had the honeymoon weeks were it felt easy as breathing. By now those have sadly passed. We definitely still have some flare-ups of passion where I would like to run every day if life let me. However, most weeks it takes effort and commitment. There are ups and downs with the occasional 'we were on a break' moment. Notwithstanding those, it is is a constant in my life. Both on the days that it comes naturally and when suddenly it seems like running and I are from different planets. I know I can always fall back on it when I need to.
Even though every person's experience with running is different, the one thing that is true for everyone, is that we were all meant to have running in our life in some capacity or other. To catch a bus, a dog, our children or simply for pleasure. We all do it, willingly or not. To quote the great Mr Bruce Springsteen: we were born to run. So run I will.
